My fellow Americans,
If I could have your ears and eyes for just a minute, I'd like to boast. Now I'm not one to brag on my accomplishments, but I'm going to, just one time. For the last 8 years my administration and I have led America down a path of errors. A pointless war taking many lives, young and old, not to mention a, ugh, heck of a lot of money. I've put the economy in the tank, and strained relations with just about everyone. I could go on.
I ask you my fellow Americans, to remember me and my errors for being the catalyst that made millions upon millions of complacent slackers, many of whom have muttered the phrase "my vote doesn't count, its pointless" actually get out there and vote. Without my bumbling and poor decision making, Americans young and old would have voted the same old way, or not at all. I've managed to turn my party inside out, and inspired people to believe that change is possible within a society that believes in democracy. Without me, the greatest election in American history would have been nothing more than an election day on a regular old Tuesday in November. Please, remember me for that one accomplishment.